Many of the men that we’ve been interacting with have said that one of the core confidence questions they have around masculinity is in not knowing how to deal with other men who are being obviously competitive with them… and especially in social situations where some douche-bag is trying to “tool” you in order to make himself look more “alpha” in front of the women-folk.
Short of punching him the nose, John Wayne style, here is the manly way to deal with this guy in a way that maintains your integrity and establishes your authority (and at minimum, self-authority) over the situation.
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Comments
Really great stuff Alex and Nathan. I love how you guys keep the quality high. Your focus, your responses and your perspective have a mature, grounded tone and it separates you from all the other noise out there.
This video with Jonathan spurred me to comment on one thing I think is important. The men who are worried about AMOG’s, women, policemen, etc. are in an unhealthy mindset that keeps them from mastering themselves. This mindset is one where he MEASURES HIS VALUE by how AMOG’s, women, and policemen think about him. He measures his confidence and well-being by how well others respond to him and what they are “doing to him”.
Mastering yourself in every situation in life requires a man to not give a fuck what others think about him, his value and his operating principles. We can care what other people think, feel and dream, but NOT what they think or feel about US. This means we must learn the truth and becoming clear about our own value, principles and boundaries.
Measuring our own success by women liking you, sleeping with you or “one upping” an AMOG is a recipe for disaster. The only way we can create the life and love we want is to be unapologetically crystal clear to the world about who we are, what we stand for, and where we’re going. This loving, compassionate and non-negotiable energy will always attract the type of people and experiences we really want. The rest of it is just noise unworthy of our time and attention.
Thanks again for all you’re doing. I learn each time I hear you guys talk. Will send your subscription info to my tribe.
Lotta love,
Steve
Thanks for the wise words, Steve!
My personal notes and comments (in case they help anyone else):
1. I like the point he’s making about the big dude NOT being accountable to ME, but to the norms/etiquette in our society.
2. I find I can crush guys mentally that are twice as big as me physically, with eye contact, eye contact, eye contact. Mike Tyson said he ALWAYS immediately knew without a doubt he was about to win a bout when the other guy broke eye contact first.
3. Sometimes I picture that the other big dude WORKS for my gangster family. I’m the “brains” of the operation, and he’s the “brawn”, one of my goons/henchmen. Age-old combination of powerful teamwork. (Like Ren & Stimpy, Pinky & the Brain…well, something like that.)
4. Sometimes I project my bad day in a situation and preconceive a conflict/friction exists, when there actually is NONE in the other guy’s viewpoint because he’s projecting his good day. I’m defensive when there’s no actual offense coming at me. Self-sabotage and ego-centric.
5. I can hang with just about anyone who has just about any attitude (no matter how offensive) if I NEVER take any of his attitude/antics as directed AT me, but reframed as FOR the entertainment of him & me.
6. Sharing “abundance”, as opposed to “scarcity”, is attractive to just about everyone.
Great comments Perry, thank you! I particularly like items #4 and #5. Much to learn there for men.
However, my 2 cents on #3 is that while it’s probably an excellent mental frame functionally, it’s not as good as #5 because our goal as men should be to stand powerfully without the need to be above the other guy (even if he is not quite at our level and so is still trying to put himself above us).
And on #2… Just a word of caution that if encountering some angry dude who likes to fight, that kind of eye-contact is a definite provocation and I’ve seen a lot of fights start that way back when I was working as a bartender. The fight, btw, even if you win, is never worth it.