10 Reasons Why Some Men“Have It All”

Have you ever wondered why some men seem to have it all, while other guys just seem to face one uphill struggle after another?

To be clear: When I say “Having it all,” I mean having the whole package of love, wealth, friends, and the ability to live your dreams.

You and I both know that it’s rare to come across a man who is getting everything he wants out of life. I’ve been coaching guys for the past 15 years, and believe me, I’ve seen what uphill looks like for so many guys (divorce, job loss, serious illness, depression, and other serious issues are the rule and not the exception).

It’s tempting to say that some guys are born lucky… That they’re rich… That they’re white… That they have “natural” social skills that give them an advantage with women. But that’s a superficial view of the big picture, because I’ve STUDIED this for over a decade.

What I have found is this: Men who are getting everything they want out of life share SPECIFIC traits and behaviours. These are things that are within their own control.

Here are 10 reasons why some men get everything they want out of life...

1. You Have Control over Your Attention

Some people are fond of saying, “Time is money.” And while that is true (and time can’t be replaced), there is a deeper way to look at this.

Imagine you are on a ship and you have 60 minutes to defuse a bomb. Smart money says you wouldn’t direct your attention to reading the latest issue of Sports Illustrated. You would focus 110% on defusing the bomb.

That’s an extreme example, but it does the job. Your attention is your most precious resource as a man. The successful man knows how to direct and leverage his attention to maximum effect. He might use it to change his business and make it more profitable. Or he might direct it toward deepening his relationship with the woman he loves.

Either way, the man who controls his attention has the most powerful success tool at his fingertips.

2. You Can Bounce Back from Setbacks

I’ve had my heart broken enough times to know what it feels like when a woman you love calls it quits on a relationship. That’s a common setback for a lot of guys. But when it’s happening to you, the word “setback” doesn’t do it justice.

I mean, I’ve been to some dark, soul-crushing places after breakups. Places where it was hard to see any joy at all in life.

The trick in all this is knowing how to pick yourself up, sweep up the pieces, and put yourself back together again.

That’s easier said than done, but men who “have it all” become experts at this crucial life skill. The sooner you can process sadness and failure, the sooner you can transform it into insight and strength, the stronger you will become as a man.

It really is that simple......But it’s NOT easy to put into practice without the right tools and strategies.

3. You Become Aware of Your Weaknesses

Back when I was a young man and thought I had the world all figured out, I used to think that admitting to weakness was the kiss of death.

I did everything I could to appear strong and “macho.” I spent 4 years in the Navy, and when I got out, I became one of the leading Krav Maga martial arts instructors. I was teaching law enforcement officers and soldiers how to fight. That made me feel like I had done a pretty good job of eliminating my weaknesses.

There was one problem, though.

Every man has weaknesses. Even the warrior Achilles was only as strong as his heel.

If you shut your eyes to your weaknesses, or try to sweep them under the rug, you are REDUCING your power as a man.

You might feel good for a while, and you might even be able to fool the people around you, but sooner or later your weaknesses will come back to bite you.

The truly powerful man knows how to face his weaknesses head-on. Only then can you grow and become stronger on the inside.

4. You Are an Expert in Self-Acceptance

I’ve coached so many guys who come to me with depression, and when we dig into their specific problems, there is one enemy that surfaces time and time again: Perfection.

Perfectionism isn’t just a scourge for women with body image issues. Men suffer from it as well. And it’s no wonder, when you consider what kind of a society we live in.

It seems everywhere you look, there’s a marketing message telling you how you can be more muscular, have harder erections, and make more money. And that’s just for starters.

Don’t get me wrong - I’m not against self-improvement. But when a guy looks at his life today and compares himself to some magazine or media ideal of what a man SHOULD be, that’s when things can get toxic, fast.

It’s easy to get depressed when you think you’re “supposed” to effortlessly become the man who has it all. But that perfectionist attitude is also unrealistic, and that’s what I work on changing with my coaching clients.

The happy and fulfilled man knows how to accept all parts of himself… even the parts that are less “attractive” and not “socially acceptable.”

5. You Practice Emotional Authenticity

If you’ve ever heard of “Radical Honesty”, a concept made popular by a smart man named Brad Blanton, then you’re already one step ahead.

Being “radically honest” in your life means practicing a form of emotional authenticity. This is something that many guys struggle with, because we are socialized to hide our true emotions starting at a young age.

There’s such a strong stigma against emotional authenticity that some men will fling the insult “mangina” to talk about a man who is comfortable with showing his feelings.

Being authentic with your feelings does NOT mean being a “crybaby”. It does NOT mean being a “sensitive New Age guy.”

When you have emotional authenticity in your life, the man you are on the OUTSIDE is aligned with the man you are on the INSIDE.

That is an incredibly seductive and powerful trait to have as a man.

6. You Practice Personal Responsibility

As soon as you take responsibility for every aspect of your own life, you kill your “victimhood.”

The weak man blames the world OUTSIDE for his failures. He complains that things are too far out of his control. He accepts his fate for what it is.

The powerful man takes OWNERSHIP over his own life. When he fails, that failure belongs to him. He learns from it. And then when he succeeds, he knows that he has earned that success.

The “earned” victory tastes sweeter than “accidental” success.

7. You Accept the Here and Now

Did you know that Tony Robbins, the world’s most well-known self-help guru, grew up in a poor family with an abusive mother?

He knew he wanted a better life and that the way to get there was to take a series of achievable steps in that direction. He did not “leapfrog” directly to world fame and fortune.

You can only take the next step when you know where it is you are right now.

It does not matter how poor your circumstances are. Starting “lower” simply means you will become stronger than most as you climb your way to the top.

8. You Have Deep Confidence and Self-Trust

This quality is what allows the successful man to achieve his goals in life. It is what keeps you going when the going gets tough and the path becomes less clear.

The man who has deep self-trust knows to place one foot in front of the other and keep going. He knows that his own inner wisdom will guide him.

Women find this quality intensely attractive. Some dating coaches try to help men “hack” this and call it “Inner Game.” But the truth is, deep confidence is built from more than a series of easy “hacks.”

The powerful man is not afraid to EARN his wisdom and confidence, even if he gets bruised along the way.

9. Your Focus Is Outward

The fearful man turns his eyes downward, limiting his field of vision. He goes through life shuffling, timid and shy. He is acutely aware of his feelings of inadequacy.

The open and powerful man gazes toward the horizon. He sees the people and the environment around him. His mind and body are constantly adapting and reacting, taking in new information and helping him shape his own approach.

If you want to become more like the powerful man, begin by looking for a horizon. See how far forward you can see.

10. You Ask the “Right” Questions

“Quality questions create a quality life…” - Tony Robbins

When I work with my coaching clients, one of the most eye-opening exercises is teaching them how to ask their own “quality questions.”

It’s not uncommon for these guys to untangle “impossible” problems in their lives with just 20 minutes of asking the right questions.

There’s a catch though. Everybody’s “quality questions” are different. That’s why you’re better off learning how to ask these questions yourself than getting them spoon fed to you.

Where to Go from Here

If you wish you had more of these “success traits” in your own life but you’re not quite sure where to start, then click here to see a blueprint for becoming a more powerful man who gets what he wants out of life.

I can’t guarantee that it will be easy, but if you are the type of guy who is willing to earn his victories, then it could change your life in 2017.

Best,
Alex